★.always keep the dongbang faith!

{ H1 }

5:46 PM • Monday, January 17, 2011

officially dropped physics to H1 today.
i feel so relieved, yet at the same time, more burdened to do well for As.
i guess theres no much choice..if i dont do well even after dropping, then theres no point in dropping and i can only blame myself.

this is a little scenario that i thought of on the way home, which i hope to see happen
a long long journey to the final destination. im carrying a large sack of stones that weigh 11kg.The aim of my journey is to go there to sell these stones and earn money.
im struggling because im not as strong as others, and im trailing at the end of the long line of people who are also trying to reach the same destination as I.
one day, i really couldn't take it anymore because im obviously too slow and i kept falling down.I can no longer even trail behind the others. Even though dropping 1 kg means lesser wasting 1kg of stones, i have concluded that it will be the only chance of getting to the destination. I'm not sure whether i can survive the treacherous trek with 11kg of stones. I left behind 1kg of stones and continued my journey. With a lighter sack,i moved forward with a higher speed, caught up with the rest and even over took some. Despite having lesser stones to sell, i earned lesser than those selling 11 stones, but the fact that i got there earlier than some people, i managed to sell every single stone that i have and earned more than those that carried 11kg worth of stones but reached late.yaye!
-END-

to anyone reading this(if theres any), im so sorry for wasting 3 mins of your life.LOL.
i admit that that was freaking lame. its just a stupid idea which i thought of when walking home.its just an analogy -.-
i think i will fail terribly as a author (not like im gonna be one anyway)

the biggest challenge that im facing now is: lack of concentration, lousy time management, and the inability to reject FUN.

a side note: THERES SIMPLY TOO MUCH HOMEWORK THAT I CAN'T FIND TIME TO REVISE MY J1 WORK!
and i can't believe i m blogging when i have so many more important things to do -.-

{ }

5:46 PM •

{ Irritation }

10:50 PM • Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Yes, I do admit that while I'm messaging,I m distracted.
And yes, I admit that tonight I have been sending tons of messages to lots of people.
Yes, I'm guilty and I'm sorry, I will try to compensate it somehow.

BUT.

Messaging isn't ONLY for schoolwork for goodness sake.who only message for the sole purpose of asking or discussing school work?!?!
I guess this is what cultural difference and generation gap will eventually result in.

I know it's for my own good and I appreciate it, but you are simply too obsessed over my studies.

{ }

7:05 PM • Friday, January 07, 2011

just finished watching HOMIN COMEBACK!!! DAEBAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
omg.although they are my least fave members, but i realised how much i missed them only when watching their performance!!! OMG.NEVER SEEN THEM FOR 2 YEARS AND NOW THEY ARE BACK!!! EVEN BETTER! changmin's dance improved!yunho's voice improved a little too! OMG! AND I LOVE THEIR DANCE AND BALLAD!

OMGOMGOMG.CANT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT! I WAS LIKE SCREAMING INSIDE!! hahahhaahhahahahah
okay.im so glad they are back, but im also sad to see that there are only 2.
and now, the negativity is getting stronger due to JYJ's various means to express themselves..junsu and yoochun..what hurts me the most is even boa are not on their side D: they are supposed to be best friends! D:

JYJ is making the headlines on allkpop everyday. but everytime they do, the negativity and criticism increase everytime. even fans are disappointed and annoyed at them. all i can say is, the more i read about how hurt they are, how say they feel, the more sad i feel. no one knows what they are going through now and in the past. i still strongly believe in them, their friendship. OMG I M DYING FOR A REUNION OR AT LEAST SOMETHING TO PROVE ANTI-FANS WRONG!!!!!

okay.full stop to that. physics rpapers. praying for a pass :/ thats all i can hope for. i crapped out so many answers and workings that dont even make sense -.- i can't afford to drop but it seems like there goes my H2 :x

{ }

12:01 AM •

first things first, theres physics rpaper in less than 8 hours time and im using comp. cant resist. but i achieved something: e-assessment. 32/40 with only peeks at arnd 5-7 answers. to me, its a great achievement! or maybe i just got the super easy questions -.- how i wish i can do that well for rpaper tmr -.- well, a wish is a wish, we shall see...

decided to blog mainly because of the news of junsu's ambiguous tweets.
to me, it really sound like hes talking about the whole situation. BUT.i think junsu is smart enough not to post something so negative on a PUBLIC account. so theres a possibility that hes talking about some other issues.

as i look at the comments, i really really feel so hurt by some of the fans that say they really hate them, they hate their "whining" and blah blah. first, its their right to express themselve on twitter (they dont just open up the account for fanservice fyi). and just because homin have no avenue to express their own feelings doesnt mean that they are not feeling the same. what makes you think that they are at loggerheads now? i see cassiopeia breaking up because of this JYJ-HOMIN divide. how can the biggest official fanclub in the fandom for 7 years be this weak? i know its taxing for cassies since they all have their own biases. BUT. the reason why we love them in the first place is not because of one member. we only found our bias after starting to like the group. im not sure whether thats how others became a cassie, but thats what i did.

i realise im not making much sense but all i want to say is: I REALLY HATE FANWARS, ESPECIALLY INTRA-CASSIOPEIA ONES.theres no point and its hurting all 5 of them. i wonder how long will this last and how bad it will become. PEACEEEEEEEEEEEEE~

anyway, i gtg sleep now. GOOD LUCK FOR MY PAPER LATER! WHOO~

{ }

12:06 AM • Sunday, January 02, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2011 is here~
okay. actually i'm not that looking forward to it, but well, time moves on without us and all we can do is to try to catch up and make it meaningful.

had my first countdown with friends! WHOOO~ 10S51 <3
went to many places trying to get a good spot to see the fireworks, but it was simply too crowded and we are unlucky enough because everywhere we tried to go, the security guards closed the roads right in front of our eyes..but its alright, S51 is a bunch that can make everything fun :D fireworks was jjang!been a long time since i saw fireworks so near. hmm.to be honest, i hate the crowd.but it wasnt THATTTTTTTTTTTT bad since im with a bunch of awesome and interesting people.hahahah

okay.so went to eat and edwina's house. her house is nice :D so cozy and homey. drinking game (tasted vokda for the first time.those flavoured one. not bad quite nice) truth or drink.drink beer.beer was totally horrible and disgusting. i will never drink beer if i have a choice :/
then we decided to make MV! but it was so fail cos we wanted to try a kpop song but couldnt find anyone that we know the whole dance(except jas), and we dont know the lyrics either, so we cant do actions according to the lyrics.so went went on shuffling kpop songs, then english, then back to kpop.hahah.FAILLLLLLLLLLLL. our MV D: it will be done someday :D

so, one whole day without sleep. gave my mum a call to reassure her that im home before i konk out for 5 and a half hours.started on physics, but dozed off soon after. couldnt even finish one set of forces note (its so freaking thin).
skipped morning and lunch today since i slept through it, i was super hungry, so i have to go down to buy food. the coffee shop wasnt open, it was raining, so went to hongkong street restaurant right beneath my block to eat. it really feel so weird going into a restaurant alone on new year's day and asking for a table for 1. plus the weather, which was very gloomy and blue, it made me feel a little down. and yeah, feeling abit pathetic because everyone eating around me are families.

in truth, this is the first time that i missed my mum so much. in the past when she went back, i still have my brother and i can eat my meals with him. the last time when i was alone was only for 10 days, which passed in a blink of an eye and i totally enjoyed myself because of the new found freedom. yes, i still enjoy that sense of freedom very much, but im realising that this freedom is pulling me back, by not allowing me to concentrate fully, settle down and strive for better results. i miss that feeling of someone restricting me, forcing me to study, because i knnow thats the time when i can truly concentrate and eventually, get better results. WHOO~ 4 MORE DAYS!of freedom, and to restriction. lol. ironic, but im not NOT looking-forward to it(:

anyway, this is awesome :D HET SEI/SAI!fianlly, a korean stage :DDDDDDDDDD after 2 freaking long years of hardship, they are finally back :D WHOOOOOO~ i lvoe the audience's reaction! totally engaged and enjoying themselves. it looks like they really appreciate the performance, glad to have them back, and full of respect :D yaye! the legendary DBSK :D gods of the east! anw, i shall stop here. its late.and i havent even finished half of my physics and i have less than 6 days, which 2-3 of them, i will be out.

good luck to me and everyone taking Rs.

{ Bye 2010, Hi 2011 }

4:23 PM • Friday, December 31, 2010

Okay. So here we are, a few hours away from 2011.
Honestly, I had great fun this year besides all the academic screw ups. I experienced many many things this year, many first times and gotten a lot of experience and fond memories. I wish I can always stay in 2009/2010...
Some significant events this year: new school, orientation, knowing wonderful friends from 10S51, genyouth,cdac, OCIP. A trip to Vietnam, having people stayover at my house, being alone in Singapore for so long, first birthday celebration without my family but with a whole bunch of friends, my first concert/showcase, my first time studying overnight, Geogies, getting an itouch,night cycling, first chalet stayover, and later, my first new year countdown without my family. There's manybother things, but I wouldn't remember that now.haha. YES. My creation of the BLUR CLUB.it's something I'm quite proud of :D

So to sum up this year, it was he'll lot of fun and new experiences, but academic-wise, its kinda horrible.
New year resolution: work harder, be consistent, have more self control, better time management and score well for As. Get the Eco-project done if possible. Best is to be able to manage fun and work.

Yeah.easier said than done. I admit I'm that kind of person who sound ambitious but no results.haha. A result of the lack of self control. But I'm really gonna try next year. It's a crucial year afterall...yes. I forgot. Pass my Rpaper!

All the best to everyone, the world, JYJ&HM and myself in year 2011 :D

{ }

1:43 PM •

although i dont understand a single word that they said, but the sight of them fighting back their tears and trying to act brave in front of us pains me.

{ }

12:55 AM •

okay. i re-read my post and realised how sucky my english has become.
my GP~~lack of usage of written english. maybe i should start to pick up books again. (well if i have the time.. -.-)
please pardon my grammatical errors and bad sentence structure :D

{ }

12:07 AM •

yes. i have officially decided to revive this blog. but im not sure how long this "revival" will last before it dies again. haha
farewell was disappointing today. mr yau didnt turn up, which made the whole farewell absolutely pointless. furthermore, there is almost no senior and junior interaction at all. only the usual few that we talk to when we were still sec 4s. but luckily the graduates outing made up for the wasted day :D

anyway, ava's situation has been weighing my mind recently. its really really a bad situation. not only because i'm close to her thats why im helping her, its also because i can totally feel for her situation. i am a foreigner, so i know how one would feel abroad, ALONE and HOMELESS. terrible.whenever i think of myself in my situation, i will feel very down. no joke. i seldom feel so sad. i should treasure my time with my mum and being able to live in a proper house. took a look at a hostel today. the environment feels kind of depressing..it gives off a very lonely and desolated feel that i really dont like it. and i dont like to imagine ava living in that environment. the room, although a single room, is just a small room, with a small window that has no view at all.i got a feeling the inner rooms dont even have a window at all -.- the other hostel that MY is in is a much smaller scale one.even without being there personally, i can tell from the photos. and that says a lot. MY told me to be prepared. she said that she cried 2 days after seeing her hostel. the feeling.is terrible. my friends are living in such bad conditions and im enjoying life in my house. somehow, i feel kind of guilty.. D; andddd, im really reconsidering ava's accommodation options now. she may be better off getting a room on her own :/ i shall visit the hostel someday to check it out for her. yes.and this episode made me consider my future options. whether to keep the house or stay in hostels when my mum goes back permanently. im really loving my house...

talking about the house, had a talk with my mum. shes been going on and on about my studies everyday. i do realise and agree with her on my lack of concentration and overload of unnecessary external activities.**yes.shes unhappy with the countdown thing** how many days do i have left to study?less than a week? theres still countdown and fetching ava. theres really no time. and yes, i have to admit that its my fault, for not managing my time well and not taking every opportunity available to study and slack my way through. my situation may not look as bad as some, but the stakes of me not getting decent results, dropping to H1 or not getting good A level results are seriously much higher than many people. the money we spent, is a BOMB.all those will go to waste. my mum's youth, job and almost everything will be wasted. oh my. the more i think about it, the higher the stakes are. i need someone to motivate me!!! and i guess that would be my mum when she comes back and take me back under her belt. can i really survive without my mum?i really wonder sometimes. its ironic how much i want her to go back when i need her so much :/ life is full of ironies i guess..

okay. this is a complete post on ranting and how i feel right now. or rather, a few moments ago. haha. i think i get why cheryl likes to use blogging to relieve her emotions (:

tomorrow, im so gonna CLEAN THE HOUSE, make everything neat again. i really cant stand it now.lol. this is seriously the longest i have ever stayed alone, and i really miss my mum right now D:

a little about the dongbang situation...
i will always support the five of them in their whatever activities, but i have to say, I REALLY DON'T LIKE HOMIN USING THE NAME OF TVXQ.
yeah, i know its not their fault and all, i don't blame them, but i still HATE IT.
and the comeback teaser. DONGBANGSHINKI. and yet, its only 2 person on the screen. it feel so empty.i dont mind them using another name like what JYJ did. but using a name that only has meaning when theres 5 people is really out of my level of acceptance.
i wish homin sucess. i really do. im actually quite looking forward to their comeback! never seen them on stage for so so long. i think they improved (from athena ost). i want to hear them LIVE. but i really really hope that they change their name..not very possible, but just a naive thought :/ anddddddddddd.there will be competition between JYJ and HOMIN since they will be promoting in the same period. that means, THEY WILL MEET MORE OFTEN! yaye~ even if SM dont allow them to communicate, just a look and they will know what each other are thinking. the power of more than 9 years of friendship :D

okay. enought crapping. i aim to sleep before 1am. hahaha.

{ }

1:39 AM • Wednesday, December 29, 2010

i really really wanted to close this blog down since im too lazy to post nowadays.
but, this made me changed my mind

A Singaporean Cassie wrote a lovely fan letter for DBSK's 7th anniversary.
spread the dong bang love~

Hello world, I hope you're listening.
Forgive me if I’m young or speaking out of turn,
But there’s someone that I’ve been missing
And I think that they could be the better half of me.
They’re out there, trying to make it right,

But I’m tired of justifying so I say to you,

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known,
So be strong.

No one told us that one day we’d fall so hard for you, that years later we’d still be here.
No one told us we’d end up thinking about you, so often a smile played upon our lips.
No one told us you’d teach us to be strong, to love, and to fight back.
No one told us you’d make us proud the way you do.
No one told us we would become this selfish, caring for words only we wanted to hear.
No one told us we would become a burden to you because we forget you’re still human.
No one told us that a little part of us would die everytime you faked a smile.
No one told us you could set our hearts on fire the way you do.

No one told us this journey was going to be so hard and that we’d fight so fiercely to protect you.
No one told us some of our friends would leave because they couldn’t take the pain
(although we were there to tell them you were going through so much more.)
No one told us we’d have to go through all these rollercoaster rides of emotions day in and day out just for you.
No one told us it’d be worth it, but it was.
No one told us all this would happen, that we’d feel this way for five people we might never get to meet.
But we know we’d relive all this pain for you even if we were born again, because we’d rather choose pain than to have never met you.

They call us obsessed, crazy, delusional.
But why does it hurt so much more when they call you outdated, too far gone, an old memory?
Trying to make them understand is the hardest thing to do when words don’t come close.
You’re not just someone we look up to with love and respect and admiration; it’s the fact that you took us in and allowed yourself to be our refuge through your music that made a difference, the fact that somehow we feel indebted towards you for changing something in us, the fact that this pride we have for you will probably never end.
Words like 5-1=0, that’s a lie. You will never fall to nothing, even if you’ve to stand alone. Even if the stage looks empty, we’ll hold the spaces for you. Even if you don’t come back as 5, no one is going to stop us from being your red ocean.
We’ve everything to lose but if we don’t fight for it, we’ll never know what it’ll feel like to finally win.

You are DongBangShinKi and we are your Cassiopeia ♥

It’s been seven years and all these seven years,

You made us feel like flying on days we couldn’t stand up.
You made us stronger individuals and taught us how music could remedy pain.
You made us realize how far dreams could take us without losing sight of the important little things.
Even though I was only there for you slightly less than half of those seven years, I feel as though you’re a part of who I am. Your dedication overcame criticism, hardships and language barriers and it gave me reason to believe that risks are meant to be taken, and dreams are meant to be lived. Your music doesn’t just touch the heart; it comforts it and opens it up to real life. It allowed me to find tiny hidden doors and explore perceptions.
But the one little thing that convinced me to stay put is that invisible string that holds you together; that even with words unspoken, separate journeys don’t equivalate to broken ties, that everything you’ve been through as five will not dissolve so simply. That same little thing made me fall for you.

I’m a Cassie because there’s nothing else I’d rather be.

this is so beautiful that it made me want to keep it forever. all these hard times, we will definitely remember them. and when we look back at these memories in the future, we will realise how much we have overcomed in this fandom. the way she wrote it is so simple yet heartbreakingly beautiful. i wish i have the talent to write such things...
and its a singaporean! :D so proud of her((:

{ }

8:12 PM • Monday, October 25, 2010

SS16 from Ryoma Echizen on Vimeo.

NICEEEEEEEEE! :D
garang~daemul~geol oh~yeorim~
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :D